


Anger Management

by BestDeadFriendsForever



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck and Eddie start boxing together, M/M, also talks about Christopher's nightmares and how Buck and Eddie deal with them, this is all about Buck helping Eddie get his shit together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestDeadFriendsForever/pseuds/BestDeadFriendsForever
Summary: There was a hard edge to Eddie that hadn’t been there before. It didn’t scare Buck, per say. But it unsettled him all the way to his core.Buck helps Eddie work on his anger by taking Eddie to the same boxing gym that Buck took Maddie in 2.11
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 46
Kudos: 416





	1. Chapter 1

Buck had noticed the change in Eddie ever since he’d come back. Even after they’d made up and Eddie wasn’t giving him the cold shoulder, there was a hard edge to Eddie that hadn’t been there before. It didn’t _scare_ Buck, per say. But it unsettled him all the way to his core.

Buck was leaning against the railing and watching Eddie from the loft as Eddie and Bosko- Buck felt a sour taste settle in his mouth even just thinking her name- were talking. Eddie was wailing on the punching bag and suddenly everything clicked together in Buck’s mind.

The bruises, the way that Eddie held himself like he was bracing for impact, the coldness behind Eddie’s usually expressive hazel eyes, Eddie’s comment about being in jail when he’d yelled at Buck in the market, the defensiveness whenever anyone commented about any of those things. Eddie was fighting.

Buck had lived in L.A. long enough to know about the underground rings where people would beat the tar out of each other. He just hadn’t thought that Eddie- usually calm, sensible Eddie- would get himself involved with that sort of thing.

He watched Eddie for a little longer as he lets that information sink in. He knew better than to try and confront Eddie about any of this, Eddie would be more likely to lash out at him than open up to him, but he had another idea. He squared his shoulders and made up his mind.

…..

Buck had called Carla and made plans for her to take Christopher out for the afternoon on Friday after working it out with Bobby that he and Eddie both would be getting off a short shift. Buck had made sure to pack what he needed and left it in his jeep during work so that he could go directly to Eddie’s before Eddie got back himself.

So Buck was waiting for him when Eddie opened the door.

Eddie frowned for a moment before he looked around as he kicked the door shut. Then he frowned as there was no sign of his son being in the house. “Where’s Christopher? Is he alright?” Eddie’s eyes flickered with panic as he took in the way Buck was looking at him. “Did something happen?”

“He’s fine, Eddie. He’s with Carla for the afternoon,” Buck said calmly. He tucked his hands into his pockets and narrowed his eyes as he studied Eddie for a long moment. Eddie was favoring his right leg so Buck figured that his left was bothering him, and on his cheekbone there was a fading bruise that had- a few days ago- made an ugly contrast on Eddie’s skin. “I know that you’ve been fighting, Eddie,” Buck said, his voice cool and not quite sounding like himself. “You’ve been going out into the streets, illegally I might add, and letting strangers hurt you.”

Eddie’s eyes flashed with anger but then he seemed to lock it down and his face was just blank. “Bobby shouldn’t have said anything to you.”

“Bobby knows?!” Buck snapped, not having known that.

That seemed to thrown Eddie off. “He… didn’t tell you?”

“Bobby didn’t tell me anything. He didn’t have to. I know you better than anyone else, even after all the shit that’s gone down between us. I know when you’re thinking about Shannon and you don’t want anyone to know. I know when you’re worried about Christopher. I know when you’re happy, when you’re hurting. I know _you_ , Eddie. And this,” Buck gestured to Eddie’s whole being, “isn’t you.”

The muscle in Eddie’s jaw ticked with how hard he was clenching it, but with the way he couldn’t look at Buck, Buck knew that he’d struck a nerve.

Buck knew, better than most, what it was like to be so blindingly angry at yourself. He knew- _knows_ \- what it’s like to carry that molten lead in your gut and to feel helpless to make it shift or get it to go away. That’s why he was there. To do for Eddie what Buck hadn’t had anyone to do for him. “Grab your gym bag. We’re going out.” Buck didn’t mean to be snippy, but he wasn’t going to take any arguments from Eddie right now.

Eddie shifted on his feet for a moment before he nodded hesitantly and moved to go into his room to gather up a fresh set of gym clothes and shove them into his bag with his shoes and the wrappings and gloves for his hands. “Come on,” Buck said, and he threw a friendly arm around Eddie’s shoulders and gave him a gentle shake.

…..

They pulled into a gym parking lot but it didn’t seem like the gym was open. “What-?” Eddie started to ask but Buck shook his head.

“Just trust me, Eds,” Buck said as he turned off the ignition, grabbed his keys, and opened the back door so he could sling his own gym bag into his shoulder.

“You know I do,” Eddie said quietly as he shouldered his own bag and followed Buck to the doors. Buck fiddled with his keys for a moment before he found what he wanted and unlocked the doors. “Buck…” Eddie said and looked around as Buck flicked the lights on and locked the door behind them.

“You worry too much. I know the owner; he’s a really good friend of mine. He owes me a few favors, so he gave me a key to the gym so that I could use it on Fridays when he’s closed.” Buck shrugged casually as he led Eddie over to where there was a boxing ring. “Go ahead and change, locker room’s over there,” Buck said and pointed to where it was, “while I get everything set up.”

“What-?”

“Just. Do it, please,” Buck said and gave Eddie a small smile. Eddie swallowed thickly and then nodded before going to change his clothes. Eddie came out shortly, in a stretched out tank-top and a pair of shorts, and shifted on his feet awkwardly. “Go ahead and wrap up your hands.”

“Buck, I don’t think-”

“No,” Buck said firmly as he the padded target gloves on. “We’re doing this.” Eddie watched him before sighing and moving over to wrap his hands carefully, methodically, before slipping his gloves on, flexing his hands to make sure he could still move the way he needed to.

They both got into the ring and Buck held up his hands pointedly. Eddie watched him for a moment before they started going through some combinations slowly, just feeling the others out.

“We going to have to talk?” Eddie asked between punches, each one landing a little harder and a little faster.

“Not today,” Buck said.

Eddie focused on his breathing, on his form, and Buck just let him be. He didn’t ask him any questions and he didn’t try to fill the silence between them with any distractions. He just let Eddie throw punches in a familiar routine.

It’s not quite the same sort of release as actually connecting his punches with intent behind them, Eddie notes. It’s not that rush of adrenaline, or the thrill of seeing what he’s _capable_ of- despite that also being kind of terrifying- but it does make him feel a little better, a littler steadier. More like himself.

Eddie slows and finally comes to stop as sweat is dripping into his eyes and rolling down the back of his neck. He swiped the back of his hand over his face and took a deep breath.

“Nice,” Buck said and gave Eddie a small smile as he tugged his own gloves off. Eddie quirked a smile as well as he tugged his gloves off and started unwrapping his hands, flexing his slightly stiff fingers. They both threw their things into their bags and Buck tossed Eddie a bottle of water so he could get a drink. “We’re coming here, every Friday, until you don’t feel like you have to go out there anymore.”

Eddie blinked over at Buck, opening his mouth to protest, but then he caught the way that Buck looked. He was standing stiffly, and he was more serious than Eddie could remember seeing him in a long time. A flutter of nerves kicks up in the pit of his stomach. Eddie knew better than to try to argue with Buck when he had his mind settled on something.

“Okay,” Eddie said with an edge to his voice. Buck must take it as a win because he only nodded and zipped his bag.


	2. Chapter 2

The first three sessions pass in total silence. It unnerves Eddie to see Buck so patient and willing to give Eddie his space to think and work out whatever it was that Buck thought Eddie was trying to work out.

On the fourth session, Buck let most of it pass in silence before he spoke up. “You don’t have to tell me yet, or at all if you don’t want to talk to me, but you’re going to have to let it out eventually, Eddie. Whatever it is, it’s eating you alive.” Buck’s voice cracked a little at the end and Eddie knows that Buck didn’t say it to make Eddie feel guilty, but the guilt settles heavily in his chest anyways.

Eddie worked his jaw for a moment before he started throwing harder punches. Buck’s eyes widened a little at the blatant show of aggression, but he flattened his face out to neutrality again.

Eddie took a shuttering breath before he tried to speak. “I-” Eddie bit his lip and kept his eyes on Buck’s hands as he fumbled for his words. “I couldn’t help my own son when he needed me. He didn’t even _want_ me to help.” Eddie’s breathing hitched a little before he pushed on. “He was having these nightmares, Buck. Bad ones. He would wake up crying and calling out for you or just shouting nonsense.” Eddie threw a hard jab that Buck caught easily. “He kept seeing his Mother drowning. And I couldn’t help him.”

“He’d been through a lot, Eddie,” Buck said calmly, his breath a little ragged from blocking Eddie’s quick punches. “You can’t blame yourself for any of what happened: Shannon, the tsunami, Christopher’s reactions. He was just figuring out how to deal with it all.”

“But he felt that he had to hide from me,” Eddie snapped angrily. “He felt that he had to pretend that nothing was wrong because I set a bad example for him.”

“And where did you learn to hold everything so tight to your chest?” Buck asked and Eddie winced as Buck unknowingly echoed Eddie’s therapist. “It’s not your fault, Eddie. He loves you, trusts you, and he wants to protect you because he’s a good kid.”

Eddie dropped his hands and nodded, running a hand through his hair. “I should talk to him,” Eddie said quietly and just swung his arms lightly at his sides. “Tell him that it’s okay.”

“It might help,” Buck said, and he shifted so that he was leaning against the ropes blocking them in the ring. “If he sees you trying, then he might follow suit. He worships the ground you walk on, Eddie. He just wants to be like you.”

Eddie snorted as he finally lifted his eyes to Buck’s. “He looks up to me sure, but he worships _you_.” Eddie chuckled at the way that Buck’s ears turned pink.

“Shut up,” Buck muttered as he tugged off his gloves so he could wipe the sweat from his own face.

“You want to come home and have dinner with him?” Eddie asked and itched at the corner of his eyebrow with his thumb. “I know he misses his Buck.”

“I’d like that,” Buck said with a soft smile that made Eddie grin back at him. “But we’ve got to finish up here first, don’t want your footwork getting sloppy,” Buck teased and smacked Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie felt something in his chest ease as he laughed brightly.

…..

Eddie was cleaning up from their dinner with Buck, Buck having gone home after helping Christopher get ready for bed, when Christopher came out into the kitchen in his pajamas. He leaned into Eddie’s side, pressing his cheek against Eddie’s waist. “You were really happy today, Daddy,” Christopher said, his voice a little muffled due to his smooshed cheek.

“I am happy,” Eddie said and it felt pretty good to know that that was the whole truth. He smoothed his hand over Christopher’s curls.

“Buck makes you happier,” Christopher said with a small smile against Eddie’s shirt. “He makes me happier too.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to keep him around, huh?” Eddie asked teasingly before he lifted Christopher up onto his hip. “Ready for bed?”

“Yes, but can I have five more minutes?” Christopher asked with an angelic smile. Eddie shook his head.

“You’ve already been up for ten minutes past your bedtime so Buck could help you get ready. So that would be a no, _mijo_. But nice try.” Eddie pressed a smacking kiss to Christopher’s cheek, which sent his son into a fit of laughter. “Come on, I’ll read you _one_ story before bed tonight. How about that?”

“That’s alright, kid,” Christopher said and Eddie snorted back a laugh.

…..

Eddie woke up to Christopher’s unintelligible shouting and he immediately was up and in Christopher’s room. He flicked on the lamp and gently rubbed Christopher’s back to wake him up. Christopher jolted awake, tears pouring down his face, and he launched himself into Eddie’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Eddie soothed and pressed a kiss to Christopher’s head. “You’re safe, Chris. You’re at home.” Eddie rocked him for a moment as Christopher caught his breath back.

“I want Buck,” Christopher said weakly as he clung onto Eddie’s shirt.

“It’s late, kid. He’s asleep,” Eddie said, trying to reason with him, but Christopher just shook his head.

“He said I could call him. Anytime I needed him. He promised,” Christopher said and his voice cracked.

Eddie debated for a moment. He really didn’t want to wake up Buck, he needed to be able to handle all of this on his own, but then again… Christopher was really scared and if hearing Buck’s voice helped calm him down maybe that’s what Eddie should do.

“Okay, but if he’s asleep and doesn’t answer, you’re gonna have to be okay with that,” Eddie said and stroked his hand over Christopher’s head. “I’m gonna go get the phone.” Eddie kissed him softly on the forehead before he went to get the portable landline. He dialed Buck’s number as he moved back to Christopher’s room.

It ran twice before Buck picked it up. “’lo?” Buck asked, clearly having been woken up by Eddie’s call.

“Hey, Buck. I’m sorry to call you,” Eddie started, guilt gnawing at his stomach.

“Don’t worry about it. What’s up?” Buck asked, his voice still rough from sleep, but more coherent.

“Christopher wants to talk to you,” Eddie said and bit his lip. “He’s had another nightmare.”

“Yeah,” Buck said with a soft smile in his voice. “Put him on.”

Eddie walked into Christopher’s room and held out the phone. “There you go, kid.” Christopher’s hand was shaking minutely as he took the phone from Eddie’s fingers.

“Buck?” Christopher asked, the fear clear in his voice with the way it trembled. Eddie couldn’t hear what Buck was saying, but it must have been soothing and soft because Christopher’s shoulders slowly started to relax. “It was really scary. There was a lot of water, like- yeah.” Christopher held the phone with both hands as he listened to Buck’s voice on the other side of the line.

Eddie just watched from the doorway to give Christopher a modicum of privacy with Buck. Christopher shifted down on the bed and yawned a little. “Could you tell me a story, Buck?” Christopher asked tiredly. It was another few minutes before Christopher fell asleep. Eddie made his way over carefully so that he could take the phone from Christopher’s fingers and turn off the lamp.

Eddie pressed the phone to his ear once he was outside of his son’s room. “Thank you, Buck,” Eddie said softly, his voice cracking a little. “I didn’t know what else to do. He… he needed you.”

“I get it, Eddie,” Buck said with the same tone of easy patience from when he’d been trying to coax Eddie into talking. “I don’t know why he needed me, but I want to be there for him when he does. Call me whenever. I’ll either talk to him or I’ll come running.”

Eddie felt a lump form in his throat and he took a shaky breath. “He’s lucky to have you,” Eddie said thickly.

“You both have me, Eds.”

And didn’t that just melt your heart?

“I know. I’m going to let you get some sleep now. Early shift,” Eddie said with a breathless laugh. “Goodnight, Buck.”

“Night, Eddie. Get some sleep.”

Eddie hung up and put the handset back on the cradle before shuffling his way back to his room, checking in on Christopher one last time before he went to bed himself. It took him a while to get to sleep, something trembling and fragile settling in his chest as tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes. _You both have me, Eds_. Eddie closed his eyes and rolled over, letting Buck’s words ease his mind for the night, at least.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie was exhausted by the time Friday rolled around. He certainly wasn’t up for his and Buck’s standing boxing appointment. His hands itched to hit someone for real. To feel flesh and bone underneath his knuckles. He felt like his whole body was burning up with how much anger he was holding in.

“Get in the jeep, Eddie,” Buck said stubbornly before Eddie could even try to make an excuse.

“I-”

“Stow whatever bullshit excuse you’re going to try and give me and get in the jeep. We’re going,” Buck said with a scowl. Eddie growled low in his throat before he stomped his way over to the jeep and threw his things into the back. He slumped down in the seat and crossed his arms petulantly.

He and Buck were quiet through the whole drive, Buck not even turning up the volume on the radio like he normally would. He just made Eddie stew in whatever thoughts he was having. They got to the gym and got ready in the same tense silence that was now starting to make Eddie’s skin crawl.

He waited until he was throwing hard punches in Buck’s direction before he broke the silence. “I hate days like this,” Eddie said from between gritted teeth. “Days where it seems like nothing that we do matters, that we can’t help.” Buck nodded. They’d had a few calls that just hadn’t gone their way. The whole week had been tough. “It just makes you think about your own life and I just-” Eddie threw a hard punch that had Buck taking half a step back to better brace himself for. “I hate how it makes me feel.”

“How do you feel, Eddie?” Buck asked gently.

“Useless, helpless,” Eddie said, punctuating each word with a sharp jab. They lapsed into silence for a little while and then Eddie, seemingly out of nowhere even to himself, spoke up again. “Calls like that can’t help but remind me that I’m alone.” Buck stayed quiet this time, just letting Eddie talk out whatever it was he needed to. “I mean, I’ve got Christopher and I love him more than anything, and my abuela and Pepa, but I still _feel_ alone. No matter what I do. I can surround myself with people, people that I love and that I know love me, but I go home every night and that stupid bed feels too big.” Eddie broke away from Buck and pushed a hand through his hair as he struggled to control his breathing.

Buck just waited for a long while as Eddie worked to get himself under control. “I don’t want to do this anymore!” Eddie snapped as he turned to Buck. “It’s not enough!” Buck winced away from Eddie’s words and instead of making Eddie feel better, it made him feel infinitely worse to know that he’d hurt Buck. Buck, who was only trying to help Eddie. “I- I’m sorry.” Eddie faltered a little.

“It’s okay. Obviously you needed to get that off your chest,” Buck said and gave Eddie a weak smile. “Why don’t we take a break?” Eddie hesitated and then nodded. They got some water and Eddie just stared down at his sneakers for a bit.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” Eddie said and glanced over at where Buck was picking at the label on his water bottle. “You’re trying to help me and I’m just being a dick.”

Buck shrugged casually. “I get it, Eddie. You’re under a lot of pressure all the time. And it’s not just the job. You’re a single dad. It’s got to be hard.”

“I wouldn’t change my life,” Eddie said quietly and picked at a loose thread on one of his gloves. “I love Christopher. I love my job. But…”

“You’re human, Eddie,” Buck said seriously. “You’re allowed to have the stray thought about what it would be like if things were different.” Buck took a breath before leaning over to nudge Eddie’s shoulder with his own. “Come on, let’s get a few more drills in before we get you home.”

Eddie nodded and got to his feet.

He and Buck were quiet for the rest of the time but it wasn’t as tense as it had been. Eddie could even -tentatively- admit to himself that he felt a little better than he had before he’d stepped into the gym. He still had a lot on his mind, and a lot that he was holding onto.

But like Frank said, progress was progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short but the next part I wanted to all be in one piece so...   
> -James


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie was folding laundry when his phone started ringing in his back pocket. He shifted so that he could grab it without dislodging the pile of Christopher’s socks that were on his lap. He answered it without really looking at who was calling, just cradled the phone between his shoulder and his cheek. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Buck’s voice crackled through the line, but he sounded almost like he was nervous.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” Eddie asked as he searched for the match to the blue dinosaur sock in his hand.

“Nothing,” Buck said but it was phrased almost like a question. “I just was wondering if you were busy.”

“I’m folding Chris’s socks,” Eddie said, “but that doesn’t really qualify as busy. You wanna come over?”

There was silence on the line and Eddie frowned a little before abandoning the laundry and focusing in on Buck. A quiet Buck made Eddie a little nervous. “Everything okay?” Eddie asked quietly in a tone that he usually reserved for Christopher.

There was shuffling on the other end of the line before Buck spoke. “You sure you’re not too busy?” Buck asked and Eddie felt a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“For you? Never.” It was a little sappy and maybe a little too honest, but Eddie could _feel_ the way it made Buck smile.

“Alright. Be over in a minute,” Buck said with a decidedly more chipper tone.

Eddie was grinning himself as he tossed his phone onto the couch beside him and got back to matching Christopher’s socks as best he could. Either he was letting Chris pick out socks that didn’t have matches, or their dryer was teleporting his son’s socks to another dimension.

He was just putting the folded laundry back into the basket when he heard keys jangling and then the door opening. He’d given Buck a key what felt like forever ago. Because it was practical. Of course. That was all.

“In here!” Eddie called as he settled back onto the couch. Buck made a bee-line from the door to the couch, toeing off his shoes on the way, and he flopped across Eddie’s lap. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but usually Buck had either had a long day where he was exhausted or a couple of drinks. Eddie just set his hand on the back of Buck’s head and scratched his fingertips over Buck’s scalp gently. “Well hello to you too.”

“Hi,” Buck mumbled into the couch cushions, not looking at Eddie at all.

Eddie felt a little awkward having a lapful of Buck- specifically a non-verbal Buck- but he just sat there and let Buck relax slowly. “You wanna talk about it?” Eddie asked after Buck had finally seemed to let himself relax fully. Buck made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. “Oh, I see how it is,” Eddie teased and tugged a little at Buck’s hair, “I have to pour out my soul to you but you get to keep everything locked up?”

Buck snorted into the couch before he turned over onto his back so that he could look up at Eddie. He shrugged and squirmed a little bit before he finally spoke up. “My apartment just feels too empty,” Buck said and picked at the corner of his thumbnail. It obviously wasn’t the whole truth so Eddie just waited patiently for Buck to keep talking. “I don’t know. I just… I’ve been having nightmares again,” Buck said quietly, his eyes trained on the ceiling and nowhere near Eddie’s face, “and when I wake up it’s just… the apartment is so _empty_.” To anyone else it might not have made sense, but Eddie knew the exact feeling that Buck was talking about.

He remembered waking up alone from nightmares about blood and sand and bullets to a bed that was too big and in a house that was too quiet. He remembered staring at the empty half of the bed that he couldn’t quite bring himself to move past the invisible boundary that he really shouldn’t have thought of as someone else’s anymore.

“Yeah,” Eddie said and he smoothed Buck’s hair back from his face to help distract himself from memories he’d rather keep buried. “Why not just move?” Eddie asked. “You got that place because Ali liked it. Try something a little smaller?”

Buck made another noise in the back of his throat and Eddie gave him an unimpressed look for not verbalizing whatever it was he was feeling. Not that Eddie had any right to judge. “How about this,” Eddie said and he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to be the one making these kinds of suggestions. It felt almost wrong. “Why don’t we go to the gym? I know it’s not Friday yet but… yeah, let’s go.” Eddie bounced his knees to get Buck to sit up.

Buck pushed himself up reluctantly but Eddie was sure that this was what they both needed. “I don’t have any clothes,” Buck protested weakly as Eddie stood.

“You can borrow some of mine,” Eddie said and he couldn’t think about it too much because it made his stomach do funny things. Eddie went into his bedroom and dug out one of his old Army t-shirts and a pair of shorts and tossed them onto the bed for Buck before digging out another set of shorts and a t-shirt of his own.

Buck picked up the clothes and just shuffled awkwardly for a moment. “Eddie-”

“Stow whatever bullshit excuse you’re going to try and give me and go get dressed. We’re going,” Eddie said, parroting back what Buck had told him last time. Buck gave Eddie a bland look before going across the hall and into the bathroom. Eddie got himself dressed and was lacing up his shoes when Buck came back in.

Eddie’s mouth felt dry as he took in the way that the worn fabric of his shirt stretched across Buck’s chest and arms. It certainly emphasized the small differences in their builds. He couldn’t even bring himself to think about the shorts that Buck was wearing. Eddie jerked on the knots in his laces before straightening up. “Ready?”

“I guess,” Buck said with a slight frown as he turned to head towards the front door. Eddie had to clench his hands at his sides to keep from reaching out to brush his hand over Buck’s shoulders, where Eddie’s last name was written.

They got into Eddie’s truck, Eddie’s gym bag already in the back seat from last time they’d gone to the gym together, and Eddie drove them. There were other cars in the parking lot and Buck squirmed a little as Eddie parked and moved to get his bag. “Come on, Buck. I haven’t got all day,” Eddie teased and Buck rolled his eyes before following after him. They walked in and together they made their way back to the padded ring. No one was using it, though there were a few people in the general area.

When Buck went to put on the target gloves, Eddie tapped his wrist. “It’s my turn,” Eddie said as he took them from Buck’s grasp.

“Eddie… I don’t think-”

“Thinking’s not your strong-suit, Buckley,” Eddie continued that teasing tone he’d been giving Buck in the parking lot before he finally gave Buck a serious look. “You’ve been helping me, now it’s my turn to return the favor.” Buck’s eyes flicked over Eddie’s face before he nodded. “Alright.”

Buck dug Eddie’s wraps out of his bag and was winding them around his hands when he noticed Eddie’s frown. “What?”

“You’ve just- let me do it.” Eddie crossed over and took Buck’s hand in his. He unwound what Buck had already done and redid it differently. He held out his hand expectantly and Buck put his unwrapped hand into Eddie’s. Eddie was precise with each movement and the way he was holding Buck’s hand… it was like Buck was in the fifth grade again. He could feel the back of his neck burning. “There,” Eddie said after he’d made sure that both were secure.

It was a little strange at first for their roles to be reversed and Eddie could see that Buck was clearly holding back. It was almost like Buck was afraid he was going to hurt Eddie. After a minute, Eddie stepped out of Buck’s reach and frowned at him. “What’re you doing?” Eddie asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Why’re you pulling punches? It’s not like we’re actually fighting. It’s fine,” Eddie said and gave Buck a reassuring smile. “You’re supposed to be getting out whatever it is you need to get out.”

“I don’t… I’m not comfortable with this, Eddie,” Buck said and Eddie watched as Buck tried to make himself look smaller.

“Why? How is this different than what you’re doing for me?”

“It just is.”

“Buck-”

“No, Eddie. It just…” Buck let out a harsh breath. “I could hurt you.”

“I know that,” Eddie said instead of trying to reassure Buck that he couldn’t. He knew that Buck could. Buck knew that he could. “But I trust you to know that you’re not going to. Just like you trust me not to hurt you when it’s the other way around. Right?”

“Yeah, but…” Buck shuffled his feet.

“No ‘buts’. I trust you,” Eddie said seriously and stepped back into Buck’s range. “So let’s do this.”

Of course, Buck still hesitated, but after a little while of Eddie’s encouragements he seemed to fall into a more confident rhythm.

After a while, Buck started to talk quietly so that only Eddie would be able to hear him. “I don’t know. I thought that after Abby I was never going to be _that guy_ again. Buck 1.0. But then,” Buck said and grunted as he threw a particularly hard punch, “I started going out with Ali. And yeah, we had sex more than me and Abby did but…” Buck took a step back so he could swipe his hand over his face. And Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck’s face was pink from the exercise or from what he was admitting. “I thought I had it together. I thought I was getting better at the whole _dating_ thing.” It said it almost with a hint of disdain. “I got a grown-up apartment that I picked up with my grown-up girlfriend and then…” Buck made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

“You got in an accident, Buck,” Eddie said. “That’s not your fault. That’s why it’s called an a _ccident_.”

“Yeah, and Ali left me because of it anyway,” Buck scoffed. Eddie felt something dark settle in his chest. He hadn’t realized how upset about all of this Buck was. Buck was better at putting on a brave face then Eddie had originally thought. Granted, Buck had been short-tempered during his rehab and PT, but it was understandable, he’d been frustrated because Buck didn’t have an overabundance of patience. He’d been through a lot in a very short amount of time. Apparently more than any of them had originally quantified.

“Also not your fault,” Eddie pointed out.

Buck didn’t argue but Eddie could see that he wasn’t fully convinced either. Eddie just let him stew as they both took the opportunity to get some water. Then they were back to it and Eddie was listening as Buck made a few fumbling starts. “I just- it’s- _well_ -” Buck took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “I miss aspects of having a relationship,” Buck said, obviously choosing his words carefully, “but I don’t think it’s ever been right. I’ve never felt… settled.” Buck stopped again and shook his head, tugging at the wrappings around his hands and clearly done.

Eddie was given a moment to think about what he wanted to say as they went over to a nearby bench to sit and tug their gloves off. “You know, it just sounds like you haven’t found the right partner, Buck.” Eddie shrugged casually despite the way that Buck’s gaze made his skin feel hot and prickly.

Buck seemed to be debating his next words before he spoke them. “Did you feel that with Shannon? Like- that settled feeling- when it’s right.”

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath, the question catching him a little off-guard. “Uh-”

“You don’t have to answer that, Eddie. I shouldn’t have asked.” Buck ran a hand through his hair.

“No,” Eddie said and tapped Buck’s knee. “It’s okay.” Eddie worked his jaw as he tried to find the best way to explain it. “At first, yeah, I did. Shannon was my everything. I felt like she was the piece that I’d been missing, you know?” Eddie glanced over at Buck to see the other watching him intently and nodding a little. “But we were really young when we met, and still really young when we got married. I don’t think we realized how hard it was going to be, especially after I joined the Army.” Eddie grimaced a little. “And then we had Christopher. It’s always more complicated when you have kids. Because then you’ve got to think about them and what they need and that’s like your whole focus.” Eddie shifted restlessly. “And we were different people. It was almost like we’d outgrown each other, if that makes sense?” Eddie scratched at the back of his neck. “We still cared about each other, and of course we loved each other in a way, and we would always be connected because of Chris, but, no. She wasn’t _that_ for me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” Buck said softly and he looked hurt. Eddie brushed their shoulders together and gave Buck a small smile.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Eddie said and clapped a hand onto Buck’s shoulder. “You want to come with me to pick up Chris? I’m sure he’ll be excited that his Buck came over.”

Buck’s smile was almost shy as he ducked his head to look at his lap. “Yeah. Yeah I’d like that too.” They threw their stuff into Eddie’s bag and Eddie threw his arm around Buck’s shoulders when they were walking towards Eddie’s truck.

…..

Eddie couldn’t get Shannon out of his head after his conversation with Buck at the gym. Every time he thought about her he felt so conflicted and so he tried not to think about her at all. Like he’d told Buck, he loved her. She had been his wife and was the mother of his son- who he thanked God for every day. But she hadn’t wanted to be his wife anymore, and something about the way things had ended between them- it made something dark and hurt and angry burn in the pit of his stomach.

He knew that he shouldn’t blame Shannon for a lot of the things that happened. But part of him couldn’t help it. There were explanations that he wanted from her but was never going to get. There were fights that he wished they’d had time to work through properly. Part of him wondered if she’d hated him.

He brushed away the tears that burned down his face. He felt like his whole body was tense as he fought to push all of that back down into the tiny box that he kept it locked up in. His palms burned from where he was digging his nails into them to keep himself grounded.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke up the next day feeling like he never had. He rubbed at his eyes and grimaced at the salt that had dried into a grit that clung to his eyelashes.

…..

Eddie couldn’t hear much over the rush of blood in his ears. He just felt _so much_. He couldn’t even name it all. He couldn’t pinpoint how he felt in a singular moment. All he knew was that he needed to focus on his breathing and on not actually hitting Buck.

He took a breath before he spoke, making sure his voice was collected and even. “She still makes me so angry.”

Buck blinked and for a moment Eddie forgot to inhale because _holy shit were Buck’s eyes always that pretty_?

“Who?”

“Shannon,” Eddie said and he hated how he had to grit his teeth to get it out. Buck was quiet not only in the patient ‘I’m listening’ way, but in the ‘I have no idea what to say to that right now’ kind of way. Eddie just pushed on, watching Buck’s hands and pushing everything else away because maybe if he could tell Buck this, he could finally let it go. “She left Texas and Christopher was still so small and I barely knew what I was doing taking care of him alone. And I wasn’t angry with her then. I got it. Or I tried to. She was taking care of her mom and I knew that it was going to be tough, but it was _family_. Then she didn’t come back. The phone calls got shorter and farther apart, and then they just stopped. Christopher was- she broke his heart and I didn’t know what to do other than try my best to take care of him- or to make sure he was being taken care of what I couldn’t be there.

“I moved to L.A. because she was here and I was hoping that maybe it would be enough. That maybe if we came to her, if I showed her that I was willing to make things work, then it would be okay. But I didn’t reach out to her. I… I was afraid. I told myself it was because of Christopher, but it wasn’t. I was being selfish because I was scared of what she might say.” Eddie took a shaky breath. “And then everything that happened, happened. We were together, mostly, and it was good. It felt right because it was what was good for Christopher- to have both of his parents there to love him.” Eddie swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. “And then Shannon told me she thought that she was pregnant again.” Buck let out a sharp breath, but Eddie still couldn’t meet his eyes. “I was ready to go all in again. It felt like a sign, you know? But…” Eddie trailed off and he focused on his footwork and his form and the sound that his hands made against the material covering Buck’s hands. “But then she told me that she wasn’t pregnant. That she wanted to get divorced. And I was _angry_. God, I was angry. I felt so stupid and it was even worse than when she left the first time.” Eddie’s eyes stung but he just swiped the back of his hand over his eyes and kept going. “All I could think was that if I had been better, if I had been _good enough_ , she would have stayed. For Christopher, for me. But I wasn’t enough. I had never been enough.” Eddie’s breathing hitched in his chest. He felt like he’d been sucker-punched in the chest and he was finding it harder and harder to breathe. “And then the accident happened and I-” Eddie’s breathing shuddered and he let out a harsh cough. “I hated that I had to tell our son- again- that his mother wasn’t coming home. That I had to deal with everything alone. Because stupid Eddie couldn’t protect his family.”

“Eddie,” Buck said in a voice that made Eddie’s already twisted up heart knot itself tighter.

“Just let me get it all out, Buck,” Eddie said in a snappish tone that he knew that Buck didn’t deserve. “A part of me hates her. But the other part of me is still hung up about how to live without her.” Eddie’s voice cracked and he felt like he was going to shake apart.

“And then there’s you,” Eddie said and he could hardly believe the venom in his own voice as he landed a really harsh punch. “Thought we were going to have each other’s backs and then you just quit. You left. And not just because you had to, because Bobby wouldn’t let you come back. But because you _chose_ to.”

It must have been that Eddie’s shift in topic took Buck by surprise and he dropped his hands just that little bit because instead of Eddie’s punch landing on the gloves, it clipped Buck hard on the chin.

Eddie dropped his hands immediately and he felt like he’d been doused with ice water. “Shit, Buck, I’m sorry,” Eddie said and when Buck flinched away as he took a step forward to help, Eddie hated himself.

“It’s okay,” Buck said in a calm voice.

“No, it’s not.” Eddie said and he felt his stomach churning.

They both shifted on their feet awkwardly and Eddie felt like his throat was closing up. “Go ahead,” Buck said and gestured at Eddie.

“What?” Eddie asked with a frown, thrown off. Buck couldn’t be saying that he wanted Eddie to hit him again. Was he?

“You’ve been holding onto all of this for a while, so lay it on me,” Buck said. “Obviously you’ve got something to say so…” Buck’s eyes were lit up in a way that made Eddie feel like he was being challenged. Eddie shifted his weight from foot to foot. He didn’t want to do any more damage than he’d already done. “Say it, Eddie!”

“Fine!” Eddie snapped. “When you left, when you filed your fucking stupid lawsuit,” Eddie said with that same surprising anger behind his voice, “I could barely see straight with how angry with you I was. Because you didn’t think about how it would make the rest of us feel. You didn’t care that it meant that you wouldn’t be able to be around. You didn’t think or care about Christopher being caught in the middle of all of this. It was just like Shannon. It was selfish and I couldn’t fathom how you could do this. To Christopher. To me,” Eddie’s voice cracked and he raked his hand through his hair. “And the worst part was that it hurt more than what Shannon did. And I couldn’t even be angry with you because I knew how much you were _hurting_ , but you were taking it out on _us_ instead of focusing all that time and energy into making it work.” Eddie’s face was hot and he knew that it had to be getting blotchy as his chest heaved from trying to hold in the sobs that wanted to tear out of him. “And again, all I could ask myself was why were me and Chris not enough? Why wasn’t _I_ enough? Why couldn’t I just be enough for somebody?!”

The sobs finally broke through and Eddie backed away from Buck in embarrassment as the tears spilled down his cheeks and he could feel his nose running. He put his arms up and ducked his head as if breaking Buck’s direct line of sight could protect Eddie’s pride. Even though he knew that Buck would never tease him about this, not even as a joke. Because Buck was amazing and good and kind and special.

God, Eddie was in love with him.

Eddie jumped a little as he felt Buck wrap his arms around his shoulders and pull him against Buck’s chest. It made him cry even harder and he pressed the back of his hand to his nose, trying to stop from getting snot on Buck’s shirt.

“You’re more than enough.” Buck’s voice was so soft and gentle, the same way that it sounded when Buck talked to a really scared kid on a call, and it only made Eddie cry harder. “Your son looks up to you. The team cares about you. We all love you, Eddie.” Once Eddie started to calm down a little, he realized that Buck had been rocking him gently and just running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Eddie’s breath is shaky in that way that always follows a hard cry. He swiped his nose and cheeks on the shoulder of his own shirt and then just pressed his face against the side of Buck’s neck despite knowing with the hurtful stuff he’d just said, he had no right to be taking comfort from Buck. “None of us are going anywhere,” Buck said and Eddie could feel Buck’s lips brushing against his forehead.

“I don’t know how to stop,” Eddie said and he couldn’t quite bring himself to pull away just yet.

“Fighting?” Buck asked and there was a thread of worry in his voice.

“ _Hurting_ ,” Eddie corrected and grimaced as he closed his eyes tightly. “Being angry, all the time.”

Buck hummed and Eddie felt the way it rumbled through Buck’s chest and into his own. “That’s something you’re going to have to figure out on your own, Eds. It’s tough and it’s shit to hear, but you’ve got to do it. For yourself, for Chris if doing it for yourself isn’t enough.”

Eddie sniffed and nodded as he sheepishly pulled away. “God, I’m a mess.” Eddie let out a nervous laugh as he swiped at his face again.

“Maybe a little, but I love you anyway.”

Eddie blinked at Buck and he felt his cheeks burning. Because there’s no way that Buck meant…. like _that_. But then again, Buck was looking at him some sort of way that had Eddie’s knees feeling a little wobbly and his stomach feeling like water. Eddie bit his bottom lip a little nervously.

“It’s alright,” Buck said and then he’s cradling Eddie’s face in his hands like Eddie is something precious and fragile. Even though Eddie is sure he looks like shit with his itchy, swollen eyes and snot-stained shirt. Yet, Buck’s looking at him with that soft look in his blue eyes and Eddie had never noticed before that Buck’s eyes were maybe just a little bit green, or could that be a trick of the light?

Eddie’s leaning into Buck and he knows that he should probably be a little embarrassed with how needy and touch-starved he’s acting, but Buck is like Eddie’s own personal beam of sunshine. The center of Eddie’s little universe. And part of Eddie is terrified of that fact, but part of him also feels a little excited because Buck isn’t pulling away. Even after Eddie yelled at him and- oh God, Eddie hit him and he can see the way the bruise is starting to bloom on Buck’s chin.

“Should probably get you some tissues because Jesus, Eddie, your damn nose’s like a faucet.” Buck steadies Eddie before he pulls away to go over to his gym bag. “I don’t want to pay a cleaning fee because you snotted all over the mats.” Buck’s smiling and Eddie hears himself laughing in a way he hasn’t in what feels like forever.

“Thanks, man. You really know how to make a guy feel better,” Eddie said and took the tissues that Buck had pulled from his bag. He held them to his nose and ducked his head to hide the way he was grinning.

“Why don’t we get out of here?” Buck asked softly as he put a warm hand to the small of Eddie’s back. “Pick up something for dinner, maybe a movie and some popcorn, and just relax?”

“Sounds perfect,” Eddie said and he relaxed into Buck’s touch. After they packed up and were headed towards Buck’s jeep, Eddie spoke up again. “I’m sorry, Buck. All that stuff I said back there-”

“I know, Eddie,” Buck said softly and wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shouders. “Don’t even worry about it.”

Eddie looked at the purplish mark on Buck’s chin and he shook his head. “Should get some ice on that when we get home.” Eddie wanted to reach out and swipe his thumb over it as if he could erase it, but he knew it would be tender so he kept his arm at his side.

“It’s not so bad,” Buck said and shrugged.

“You’ve not seen it,” Eddie said blandly, and just like that they were back to bickering playfully. Eddie still felt guilt nipping at the back of his mind, but he let it lie there while he focused on being present with Buck and then Christopher when he came home. He wanted to hold onto the good because it needed to be his anchor. He needed to remember what he had instead of focusing on all the other stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wow... that was a lot. Eddie has a lot of feelings y'all and he just needed to get them out. Now before anyone comes after me, Eddie hitting Buck WAS COMPLETELY AN ACCIDENT. He didn't mean to- even subconsciously- and he does feel bad about it despite how quickly it seems to be brushed off. So please don't come after me about that.  
> -James


	5. Chapter 5

Buck grinned as he walked into that stationhouse, his bag over his shoulder, for his shift. He and Eddie had gone back to Eddie’s and talked for a good long while after their latest session. Granted, a good portion of it was Eddie trying to apologize and Buck insisting that he was fine- it was just a bruise. Not that he would tell Eddie this, but it was definitely worth a sore chin to see the progress that Eddie had made.

It felt like once he was dressed and up in the loft, everyone’s eyes were on him. He ignored the looks that Hen and Chim were exchanging silently with one another, and he avoided Bobby’s eye as he moved to get himself a cup of coffee.

But of course, no one was going to let that last for very long. “You alright?” Bobby asked and Buck looked up from where he was putting creamer into his mug to look at where Bobby and Hen were staring at him with matching frowns.

“Yeah,” Buck said easily. “Why?”

“You looked in a mirror this morning?” Hen asked, obviously incredulous at Buck’s glib attitude.

“Uh, yeah,” Buck said as he took a sip from his mug and moved to sit at the table.

Hen scoffed and Bobby’s frown deepened. “Buck, that’s a pretty nasty bruise you’ve got going on,” Chim said and he sat down across from Buck. “You wanna tell us how you got it?”

“I just bumped it,” Buck lied, and he tried not to fidget under their combined gaze.

“You bumped it?” Bobby asked flatly.

“What’re we talking about?” Eddie asked as he made his way up the stairs, probably not hearing anything that anyone else had been asking and just seeing the looks on the others’ faces.

“Buck’s shiner,” Chim said and Buck couldn’t help but wince at the way that Eddie froze in his tracks. Buck could practically see the guilt choking Eddie up.

“I told you, I just bumped it. No big deal,” Buck said and he gave Eddie a look. Eddie’s jaw ticked but he didn’t say anything or move. “Besides,” Buck said teasingly as he broke out into a grin, “makes me look kind of rugged, doesn’t it?”

That broke whatever worried tension had been eating at the rest of them because Bobby rolled his eyes fondly while Chim and Hen let out short laughs at Buck’s cocky tone. But Buck was mostly focused on the way that Eddie broke into a fond grin and shook his head, almost like he was trying to hide his smile.

The rest of the shift passed without any more well-meaning fussing from his co-workers. There were a few cracks about Buck ‘taking it on the chin’ about this one dick parent who’d been pissed about how they were treating his kid after an accident. He’d shouted at Buck and Bobby while Hen and Chim had worked to stabilize the kid for transport. Really, the guy was more worried about telling them how to do their job than his seventeen year old.

There was a lull and Buck was helping Bobby in the kitchen- Chim having gone down to the bunks for a nap, Eddie sitting on the couch with a book, and Hen stepping out to call Karen and Denny- when it was brought up again. “You’d tell us if you weren’t alright, right?” Bobby asked quietly. “Because if someone did this to you…”

“Cap,” Buck said firmly as he noted the way that Eddie’s shoulders had stiffened, “it’s fine.” Eddie stood up abruptly and walked out and Buck swore under his breath before going after him. “Eddie, hey, Eddie,” Buck said and he gently caught Eddie’s wrist. “Bobby didn’t-”

“Know that I’m the one who did that?” Eddie asked sharply without looking up from the toes of his boots. “Yeah, I got that.”

“It was an accident,” Buck said and he swiped his thumb over the inside of Eddie’s wrist. He took a breath before he tugged at Eddie’s arm. “Look at me. Come on, Eddie, please.” Eddie lifted his eyes to Buck’s and Buck gave him a soft smile. “This isn’t the same as that guy,” Buck said, keeping his voice low because he wasn’t sure who all knew about the guy that Eddie had put in the hospital. “I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me.” Buck pressed his thumb against Eddie’s pulse. “You’re making progress, and I’m really proud of you.”

Eddie’s cheeks flushed and he glanced between where Buck was still holding his wrist and Buck’s face. Buck smiled at him and he wished that he could slip Eddie’s hand into his, but instead he let Eddie go.

“Thanks, Buck,” Eddie said and lifted his hand for a moment, almost like he was going to brush his fingers against Buck’s, but then thought better of it. Buck can admit to being just a little disappointed. Buck nodded and then made his way back up to the loft to finish helping Bobby. Bobby raised an eyebrow, but Buck just shook his head. Bobby looked like he wanted to argue but he just shrugged.

…..

Buck scrubbed a hand over his face as he made his way into his apartment. He needed to change and gather up his stuff so he could make his way over to Eddie’s so they could head to the gym. It had been months of their routine and Buck was proud of the progress that both of them had made. Eddie seemed less tense and brittle on the inside, and Buck felt like he and Eddie were actually back to the way they were before the tsunami and the lawsuit. He rifled in his jacket pocket for his keys before he unlocked the door and stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

“Hey.”

Buck jumped and his keys flew out of his hand and onto the floor with a clatter. “Jesus, Eddie,” Buck said once he’d recognized that it was Eddie standing in the middle of his kitchen. “What’re you doing here?”

“Put on something nice, we’re going out,” Eddie said with a grin and tucked his hands into his pockets.

“I don’t-?” Buck frowned and glanced around as if that would explain everything.

“I got us a reservation. Thought we could take one break,” Eddie said and Buck could tell that he was a little nervous by the way that he pulled his hand from his pocket to rub at the corner of his eye. “So, go get dressed.”

Buck shuffled his feet awkwardly before he went up to his bedroom to go and change. He pulled on one of his dark blue polos and one of his nicer pairs of jeans. He brushed his hands over his clothes to straighten himself out before he ran his fingers through his hair to help smooth it out.

His heart was thudding in his chest hard enough that he could feel it in the base of his throat as he made his way back down to the kitchen were Eddie was sitting at his island like he belonged there. “Do I pass inspection?” Buck asked, going for a teasing tone but it came out more nervous that Buck would have liked.

“You look great,” Eddie said and nodded towards the door.

Eddie drove them and they talked quietly for a bit before they got to the restaurant. They got out and while Eddie talked to the hostess at the front, Buck had a little too much time to think. Was this like a ‘two dudes who are close and hang out all the time’ kind of thing or was it a date? It felt like a date. It was a nice restaurant, they were both kind of dressed up, and of course there was Buck’s big huge crush on Eddie.

They were led to their table and put in their drink orders but then it felt like there was just this awkwardness between them as Buck internally panicked. Part of him wondered if he should text Bobby to ask if this was a date. Or Athena? Or maybe it should be Hen? Definitely not Chim, or Maddie because Maddie would just tell him ‘I told you so’ and-

Eddie reached out and set his hand on top of Buck’s gently and Buck felt his cheeks getting hot. “Listen, Buck, I know I probably threw you for a loop and everything,” Eddie said and swept his thumb over Buck’s knuckles. “But I’ve been thinking. A lot. And uh-” Eddie cleared his throat and Buck felt his mind running a mile a minute. “You’ve patient and understanding and exactly what I needed. You did it without complaining. Without any expectations. You just did it because… well because I needed you.” Buck blinked at Eddie and he had to be loosing his mind because… Eddie couldn’t be _blushing_. Could he? “I wanted to take you out not just as a thank you for everything you’ve done- are _doing_ \- for me but uh…” Eddie bit his lip. “I thought I should tell you- _finally_ \- that, well, I just wanted you to know that I- I love you, Buck.”

Buck feels a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he twists his arm so that he can slot his fingers through Eddie’s. “Yeah, well, for the record, I said it first.” Buck couldn’t help but grin as Eddie rolled his eyes.

“You really know how to ruin a moment, Buckley,” Eddie teased and Buck just pulled a face at him.

“I seem to remember a few moments passing without _someone_ noticing, Diaz,” Buck said back with the same fond exasperation.

“Yeah, yeah, I was working on it,” Eddie said and shoved at Buck’s hand playfully. Their conversation was broken by the waitress coming up to take their order, despite the fact that neither of them had even glanced at the menu yet. Buck felt his cheeks getting hot at the knowing look that she sent them as they broke away to pick up the menu.

They put in their orders in and their conversation turned in a more normal thread. They talked about Christopher, things that had happened during their shifts both the ones they had together and the rare occurrence where they didn’t, and just little every-day things. Buck felt his cheeks getting hot and he never wanted to stop holding Eddie’s hand like they had been just a few minutes ago.

They finished their dinner and they lingered for just a little while before Eddie insisted on paying and they made their way to Eddie’s truck. Eddie started the car, but they didn’t go anywhere. He shifted to look over at Buck and cracked a small smile. “I know I’ve been asking you this a lot, but, uh, you want to come over?”

Buck worried his lip between his teeth before he nodded. “Yeah, I do.” Eddie’s bright smile- with all the previous months’ hang-ups mostly out of the way- was completely worth it. Eddie threw the truck into drive and instead of heading to Buck’s apartment, they went to the Diaz house.

Buck couldn’t help but grin as they stepped inside, Christopher and Carla were waiting for them. Buck could easily imagine this being a regular thing. Him and Eddie coming home to Christopher and… maybe one day some new additions. His stomach felt warm and floaty at the idea and his cheeks ached from how much he was smiling.

They’d come a long way from where they’d been before and they still had a long way to go, but Buck was really happy for the first time since that stupid truck had crushed his leg. He watched Eddie and Christopher as Eddie tried to wrangle Christopher into going to bed, and he smiled as he walked Carla out with a quiet ‘thank you’. She pressed her palm to his cheek and sent him a wink before heading out.

“Buck! Come tell Daddy to let me stay up so you can read me a story!” Buck grinned and made his way down to Christopher’s bedroom, propping his shoulder against the doorframe. Eddie was scowling at Christopher from where the boy was sitting in bed in his pajamas.

“I think you should listen to your dad,” Buck said seriously and simply raised an eyebrow when Christopher whined at him. “It’s late, you’re already up past your bedtime.”

“Please, Daddy, Buck?” Christopher asked and gave puppy-dog eyes to both of them.

Buck looked to Eddie with a ‘your call’ look on his face. Eddie sighed heavily and shook his head. “Alright, fine. One story, and then you’ve got to go to bed, kid. No fuss, no fight.”

“I promise,” Christopher said as he reached over to his bedside table and held out his book to Buck. Buck took it and cracked it open to where the bookmark was nestled between the pages, before sitting on the edge of Chris’s bed to read to him out loud. With Christopher nestled between him and Eddie, Buck felt that same contentment from earlier settle on his shoulders. Christopher slowly fell asleep against Buck’s bicep and once Buck was sure that Christopher wasn’t going to wake up again, Buck closed the book and settled Chris into a more comfortable position.

“Come on,” Eddie said quietly and took Buck’s hand in his, tugging them across the hall to Eddie’s bedroom.

“You trying to seduce me, Eds?” Buck asked once the door was closed behind them.

“Depends,” Eddie said as he plucked at the collar of Buck’s shirt.

“On?”

“Is it working?” Eddie asked with a grin. Buck stifled a laugh and covered Eddie’s hand with his own.

“Not that I don’t want to,” Buck said and ducked his head to press a kiss against Eddie’s knuckles. “Just, not yet. I want to do this right.” Buck shuffled a little on his feet and bit his lip. “Not rush this.”

Eddie nodded patiently. “Still wanna stay over?” Buck nodded and he leaned in to brush a kiss against Eddie’s temple. Eddie went over to his dresser and he dug out pajamas for Buck, tossing them over. Together, they got out of their clothes and into the pajamas. Buck waited for half a moment to see which side of the bed Eddie would settle on, and then he took the open side, curling up on his side so he could watch Eddie. “Night, Buck.”

“Night,” Buck said softly and watched the way that the orangey light from the street lamps filtered in through the window and across Eddie’s face. He quirked a small smile before he let his own eyes shut.

It was the best night of sleep that Buck had ever had in his life. And the morning after- incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. I really like how this developed and I left it open for a couple of reasons. Because I could work on this for forever, but I think it's a good place to stop.  
> -James


End file.
